If you fall, I will catch you; I will be waiting. Time after time...

(after time after time after time after time after time after time after time...)


Spreading the word.


Practice practice practice.

That was -- people. They're people. I mean, they were coming -- so many of them. To make a new home? A new life? I wish we could know what happened to them. Where they were from, what they were hoping for.

I'm pretty sure they weren't hoping for this.

He wants me to burn him. I'll have to help him think of a good design.

It's Easter, now, so -- we could --

Forty days I've waited to be with him again and I only felt so distant, still. If I can't feel close to him during that, when can I? I don't know what's wrong with me. I wanted the pain more than any of the rest of it. It was like that was the only part of it that felt like -- like anything. Anything at all. But I wanted to feel something, and that was certainly feeling.


Warning: Makeouts.

I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this

I told her. I mean, everything. About how I've been feeling and all. It's weird, after getting so used to hiding all the time -- but that's what I do, that's what I am. It's what I'm best at. Putting a nice shiny veneer of cheerful over everything, always.

It's like a breath of fresh air to let my guard down, to not pretend around someone -- at all. I mean, I just -- I love Rene, I do. But I don't know how I could talk to him about something like this. What would I say? What could I possibly say? I'd rather die than marry you? Which isn't it, but -- if I go through with this, it clearly is, right? But it's not. It's just hard. Everything's so heavy and I'm so disconnected -- and that's what I'd have to tell him. I can't do this alone. I can't do this alone. To which he'd say I'm not alone -- but I am. That would be the hardest thing to tell him, I think, because -- he's my fiance and I know he loves me so much and shouldn't that count for something in the whole not being alone department? Other people who care about me (I think?) -- shouldn't they count for something? I want them to. I do. But the truth is, they -- don't. They don't make it any less alone. No matter how much I love them, there's still this -- wall I can't break through, I don't know how to break through.

So I just pretend. Pretend to feel connections. Pretend to smile. Pretend a lot of things.

It was nice not to.

Even if -- me, who I am when I take that mask off, it isn't very pretty. It isn't very happy. But she didn't freak out and run away. She didn't cry or beg or plead. She didn't try to talk me out of it. She didn't try to shove me in a psych ward and tell me it's for my own good. She didn't tell me I'm dumb and don't know what's best for me because I'm only a teenager. She didn't lie to me and tell me it'll be okay, everything will work out in the end, time heals all wounds.

All the things she could have done, and didn't. It was a relief. To just be -- heard. I wanted to hug her forever. I guess -- after all she's been through herself, I guess she understands. I mean -- she was dead, too. She was -- a lot of things.

It's weird that -- well. That a story like hers is -- a year or two ago I'd never have believed it. But I trust her, and, heck, we're in the middle of an alien invasion, so --

Also, I really like the people here. Hearing about Mister Worthington's dad makes me want to cry. And hug Angel, a lot. I never had no surgeons come try to 'fix' me -- for me it was therapy and then getting shunted off to New York and then disowned -- but. But.

That look on his face when he was younger --

I'm glad he had good people, to help get rid of it for him.

( 'I can honestly say I would rather you be at peace then doing nothing but /pretend/ for the rest of your life.' [Sunset] )
Confession.

( 'Doesn't look much like him, does it?' [Annabel (NPC), Rene, Sunset] )
Breakfast, and Warren looking like a plucked chicken.*

*not part of breakfast.

( 'Did you two get into Joshua's hidden booze stash?' [Angel, Rene] )

Wow. Cool.



Maybe the world is really ending. Oddly, I can't say I would mind much if it did. The truth is, these aliens aren't destroying anything half so much as we destroy the planet ourselves.

Even so, I don't like the thought of them hurting any of my friends. I don't like the thought of them hurting anyone, though I'd be oddly happy if they did level all the cities. Somehow, though, I don't think most people are going to be convinced to stand by and let them do it. But maybe we should.

No matter what happens, though -- if the world's ending, there's really just one place I should be. And it isn't Xavier's.





OOC note: As of last night, Jackson is not at the school. He took off to go be with Rene. There was, though, a note delivered to Cyclops's -- wherever students can leave notes for teachers -- stating that he had no intention of defying Cyclops's orders and provoking the robotaliens, but until the world has made up its mind whether to continue going crazy or not, his fiance needs him much more than the school does, so he will be practicing this Staying Safe thing with Rene rather than at Xavier's. Love and kisses, Jax.

There may have been cookies left too.

I can make my own peace. That much, I can do.

( 'Will you be my maid of honor?' [Canvas, Rene] )
Piercings!

( 'I am starting to think that peace is something someone has to kind of make themselves.' [Rene] )

Well, that was exciting. I'm tired, though. But that's nothing new, these days. My mask is breaking. I'm too tired to wear it. I'm too tired to pretend I'm cheerful when everything on earth hurts. People with families (blood or chosen) that want them and gosh but it isn't enough that Mister Worthington is taking her in can he please make her a mutant too because obviously then life would be shiny and --

I can't. I can't do it, and probably if I can't be cheerful around people I should just not be around people anymore. At all. Ever.

I'm tired. She could have it, all of it, if she thinks we're so wonderful and amazing. She could have it in a heartbeat. I'd trade her.

My stupid worthless genes for parents who care about me.


Who else would his one phone call be to?

He says he wants be to be that Jax again. I used to smile all the time, and -- and at one a.m. though I certainly ain't any Jax except tired-Jax. But he wants me to be --

That's the thing that it's hard to tell people, though.

That Jax is dead. That Jax died -- they could bring back my body, but they didn't bring back him.

That Jax is dead, but I've learned, at least, to find the mask that looks like him and wear it, these days.


Non-crack-o'clock dancing.


Crack o'clock swimming.

Well, that's -- it, I guess. Done. No more family. No more -- they don't want me. They don't want me because I want him. Not that it is unexpected, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. And I mean -- I thought they'd get mad. I didn't think they'd -- It feels weird. I ain't house-less, but home-less.

He hit me.

He said I wasn't his son. I -- everything just -- hurts. Everything hurts. We couldn't even -- I couldn't say goodbye to Skittles! To Rami. I will maybe never see them again. I can hardly breathe for how choked-up I feel.

To be sure, though, tonight will be a night my town won't never forget. Their own personal visit by a dragon. By an Angel. By Satan. I only wish I coulda seen the looks on all their faces throughout.


Spoiler: Jax's dad does not say yes.


Phone call in the aftermath. X-people to the rescue!


The X-ers give Jax's hometown something to remember.

I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to disappoint him. I don't want to -- not be someone he can trust. But I'm not. For all I'm really honest in some ways, in others -- probably in the important ones, in this respect -- I'm really not. At all. I don't mean to be. I just -- it's what I do. It's what I am. I've gotten so good at hiding. I'm not nearly as open a person as people think I am. It's just -- not any of their business, really, and being an illusionist means I don't have to show people the parts of myself I don't want them to see. I don't even think about it anymore, I just do it. But I can't. With him, I can't. I can't be someone that he can't trust. Not if this is going to work. If we're going to work.

I'm tired. Everything hurts. Someone hurt Rene -- Rene hurt someone. He knew -- I told him. Told him it would be like this. Not-good like this.
Some things are good. Some things are so good.

But the bad things -- the bad things, they're really bad.

( 'Have you, sir, ever heard of the concept of karma?' [Rene, NPCs] )
Rene ventures out to explore The Town. Some old friends from The Town, meanwhile, venture back to the farm to catch up with Jackson.

( Art and Illusions )
Scenelet, set later that night.

Is it possible to be homesick when you're home? There's so much here I'm so glad of leaving behind me, but -- so much more that I ain't. It's weird how much I miss it. I realize I miss it so much more when I'm here. How could I leave all this? How could I leave all them?

It isn't like I could stay, anyway, really, I guess. But. It's tempting. It's tempting.

Leaving France is sad. I love Rene's home. His family is so lovely. His town is so lovely. Everything's so lovely. Part of me wished we could stay there forever.

My home isn't fairyland. I don't live in a palace and there's no dolphins and my parents won't -- when we tell them --

Gaw. I don't even know. I don't even know. I'm scared. I'm more than scared.

It's weird to be back here. It's so weird. Everything's exactly the same. It's like I never left.

I wonder if I'll take the same old bruises back to New York with me.


Visiting Rene's mother.


Homecoming, pt 1.

Aiee there was dolphins (styling dolphins, with my sunglasses!) and the water and everything's pretty and --

and a ring. My ring. Silly, isn't it, to care so much about something -- I usually don't! But this is -- I don't know. It isn't like anything's changed! I just am now sparklier. But somehow it makes it feel realer. Like we are really actually getting married. Probably silly. Stupid. Oh look I have this pretty stone (that probably came at the price of some poor abysmally underpaid diamond miner's health) and I was already engaged before but now I am really even more engaged --

but oh, gosh, it does make me feel all dizzy-happy-glowy inside. It does.

(Inside and out. Oops.)

I love him.

I really, really, really, really, really cannot wait for Easter.

Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh. Everything is beautiful and they live in a castle and are clearly all kings and everything is beautiful.

And they don't seem to hate me. And they are okay with me and Rene!

I think it would be okay to die right now (in the real kind of way and not being a gross zombie) because I'd be happy. So happy.

Rene has a tattoo it is pretty this is good.

I have ice cream that I made and did not eat but it was fun to make anyway and I made it for Rene and for Andy and now I want to make more.

I am no closer to becoming a dragon but I think I would make a good chef.

I saw stuff on the news about Mister Worthington. Uh-oh. I think I should find him and give him hugs.

I hope he ain't mad at me. But Lent is -- lent. Fast. And abstinence. It is not so good that it is timed with our trip to France, but -- but that'll just make it all the more a sacrifice.


Mardi Gras, sans partying; Rene learns the downside of dating a Catholic. Well. One of the many downsides.

I'm tired. I'm so tired, soso tired. I don't know -- I don't know anything. I didn't mean to explode at Zachery, but at least this time it was tiny, not like last time. Still, I didn't mean to. But I just -- it's been a long week. It's been such a long -- month. So long. And between death and undeath and quarantine and murder and -- Oh, God, I just --
That's my place. Our place. That apartment is safe and it's home and it is the only place on earth that is. The only place where everything isn't so crushing, where I fit in, where it's -- mine, Rene's, Rene's and mine, ours, and it may be selfish, Lord, but I need one place in the entire earth where I'm okay. Not a place where one more person is going to tell me I'm dumb for not wanting to murder animals, I'm horrible for loving my fiance. I've had it my entire life and I won't have it in my home. Not now. Not after everything. I won't. He can be an insensitive homophobic carnivore anywhere else he likes but God help me I have not had a home in a long time and I need one right now.

Hot cocoa makes everything better, though.


Jax is irritable.